At this very moment, you may be saying to yourself that you have any number of admirable qualities. You are a loyal friend, a caring person, someone who is smart, dependable, fun to be around. That's wonderful, and I'm happy for you, but let me ask you this: are you being any of those things to yourself?
This is deffintely me! I am always trying to be the best friend, wife, mother, and overall person I can possible be, so that I can impress everyone else around me. I am always wanting to be envied and for people to believe I have it all together. But the truth is it doesn't matter how many people envy me or how much I "appear" to be incontrol of my life. I always know the truth within myself. I know that I am a good person and that I would do anything for my friends and family, but I also know that I have alot of unresolved issue from my childhood and alot of problems with how I view myself. I feel like I'm good to everyone else around me, but I'm not good to myself. It's one thing to realize this but how the hell do I just learn to love myself and to like who I am on the inside and out?
When I was young I had 2 other cousins that were almost the same age as me. Because we grew up in a very small town and were in the same grade we had so much compition amoungst us. Our parents made it worse by playing into the compition themselves and always pinning us against eachother. The truth is I always felt like the ugly one of us three...I felt like I was the fatest and the least popular. I feel like that caused me to act out alot when I was younger, just trying to find my own identity and where I belonged. I dont talk to either cousin anymore, or my aunts and uncles. I hate the fact that I have let them influence my own opinion of myself and my self-esteem. I hate that I have given them so much power and continue to do so even today as I struggle with an eating disorder, just desperatly trying to be prettier and better then them, even today! The truth is until I feel good enough in my own mind I will never be happy with my weight or my appearance. I took over their job of making me feel like shit. I wonder if they ever feel the same way as me?!
This is deffintely me! I am always trying to be the best friend, wife, mother, and overall person I can possible be, so that I can impress everyone else around me. I am always wanting to be envied and for people to believe I have it all together. But the truth is it doesn't matter how many people envy me or how much I "appear" to be incontrol of my life. I always know the truth within myself. I know that I am a good person and that I would do anything for my friends and family, but I also know that I have alot of unresolved issue from my childhood and alot of problems with how I view myself. I feel like I'm good to everyone else around me, but I'm not good to myself. It's one thing to realize this but how the hell do I just learn to love myself and to like who I am on the inside and out?
When I was young I had 2 other cousins that were almost the same age as me. Because we grew up in a very small town and were in the same grade we had so much compition amoungst us. Our parents made it worse by playing into the compition themselves and always pinning us against eachother. The truth is I always felt like the ugly one of us three...I felt like I was the fatest and the least popular. I feel like that caused me to act out alot when I was younger, just trying to find my own identity and where I belonged. I dont talk to either cousin anymore, or my aunts and uncles. I hate the fact that I have let them influence my own opinion of myself and my self-esteem. I hate that I have given them so much power and continue to do so even today as I struggle with an eating disorder, just desperatly trying to be prettier and better then them, even today! The truth is until I feel good enough in my own mind I will never be happy with my weight or my appearance. I took over their job of making me feel like shit. I wonder if they ever feel the same way as me?!
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