Day 2 - This is going to be way harder than I thought

I talked to the mental health in my town today and was able to set up my first session with the phycologist for the 29th of this month. As I was doing the evaluation with them on the phone I felt like such a loser. I just can't believe I've turned out this way. I used to be the girl that would make comments and judge other when I seen that they were restricting food or when a girl looked to thin to be healthy. Now I'm that girl and I feel like everyone around me notices and talks about me like I used to talk about others.
The man evaluating me today asked me if I have ever been molested. I had to tell him about the time I was 6 years old and my uncle who was 17 at the time touched me. I've never told anyone that before and certainly never wanted to talk about it. He told me it's something that I have to be prepared to share in the sessions. That in alone is making me second guess this whole "getting help" idea altogether. I try to be a positive person and I'm scared to death of the kinds of feelings and memorise that are going to be brought up through this recovery process. I dont know if I'm strong enough to face all my self esteem issues and all my hard times growing up. I feel like I just want to shut down and not to have to think about this anymore. My husband and family keep wanting to talk to me about it and wanting to "know how I'm feeling" I just want to scream and tell them to leave me the fuck alone. I don't feel like sharing anything right now, it just makes me feel like a failure, like I'm different then everyone else.
On top of being scared about opening up, ever since I went to the doctor yesterday I hardly will let myself eat at all. It's like I know that soon enough I will be forced to eat and to gain weight as part of getting healthy so I'm trying to starve as much as I can right now in order to make up for all the weight I'm scared to put on in the near future. I'm so scared of loosing control. I feel so tired and so sick, almost like the flu, but I can't stop restricting and even though I'm beyond tired I can't stop excersing either. Today I was dancing with the kids and I found all I was thinking about was dancing around faster and harder so that I could burn a few extra calories while I'm at it. So crazy:( I so hope that in the next few days my meds will start to kick in a bit more and hopefully help me to relax through this process, otherwise I'm worried it's a fail before I've even started!